Deviation Actions
First published on my Facebook on today's date:
Dear Journal:
Why do we let people affect us like we do? People who are really inconsequential in our daily lives? Is it me letting them have this hold on me, or is it my mental illness? I really don't know. Something for me to ponder...
I react strongly to things. I think the worst trait I have (besides the lifelong habits of biting my fingernails and playing with my hair) is the fact that I often react before I think things through. I'm sure others see this in me too, but I don't feel I am the only one who does it. Is this fact supposed to comfort me?
I write for many reasons:
First, it helps me through the trials that life throws at me, it is therapy for me. It helps me get my feelings out there rather than hold them inside, a release if you will. It is much better to release them than to hold them in, and I can write anytime. People may not always be available when I need them, or they may just not want to hear it, and make excuses to get away from me.
A lot of what I write is made public. I share my illnesses, my darkness, my light, because I am human, because I think in doing so, I might help someone else who is struggling as well. Don't you think it gives me credibility to help them when I know their pain?
Sometimes, I write strictly for entertainment purposes.
Other times, it might be me pouring out my heart through my poetry or my writing...whatever I might be feeling at that time.
I write sometimes just to have a record of certain events in my life. Perhaps, one day, I will combine it all into a book, a memoir-type thing. Who knows?
Things I have written have been published a few times. I rarely talk about it, should I feel proud? I'm really not good at tooting m own horn. I prefer to stay in the shadows...hidden. Several of my poems published on a website, an article in a magazine, and the other was several articles I wrote for my hometown newspaper. Sadly, I no longer have a copy of the magazine article. I wish I did. I can't even remember the name of the magazine, but I do remember what it was about. The thing is, I saw my name in print. Yes, I think those were proud days,
I have a thick binder of poetry that I have written. I have had several people tell me I need to be published, but I don't know. I don't really write for that reason. i write because it is something I love to do. I'm afraid it would be more like a job if I were to be published. What if the publisher wanted more? Gave me a deadline? I don't like deadlines. I feel rushed...pressured, and I don't like that feeling.
I've actually been working on a book for 18 years now. I write...I put it down...I pick it back up, and write some more...I put it back down...I know why I handle it that way, because it is painful to write about, but it is my life story, and only I can tell it...
SJM 3:18 PM